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Friday, June 4, 2010

MacGruber: The Review

will forte in macgruber

MacGruber (Will Forte) is a special forces agent called in to retrieve a nuclear warhead from the an evil mastermind, Dieter Von Cunth (Val Kilmer). Cunth also happened to murder MacGruber's wife in the middle of the wedding ceremony. That is about all that anyone needs to know about the plot. Everything else is either spelled out so clearly a rabbit could follow it. Because rabbits are stupid. Because rabbits don't watch movies.

That lame, akward, unfunny bit is probably funnier than just about anything in MacGruber.

To call this movie bad would be charitable. This movie is awful in a way I have never seen before. It is loud, crude, dumb, but worst of all, boring. It was hard to believe that only 90 minutes had past as it felt like I had lost a great deal more of my life to this film. Think about being at a party and someone tells you a joke and when they get to the punchline it isn't funny. But they don't think it isn't funny; they think you didn't get. So they start telling you the joke again. And again. And again.

Okay here's the joke: unlike MacGyver, MacGruber sucks at his job and is a complete fuck-up. Oh, and he still dresses like he is living in the 80s. And he thinks he is cool. But he is not. Because he has a mullet. Get it?

What MacGruber aspires to be is something great: a tongue-in-cheek parody of the over-the-top action films of the 80s. What it is is offensively bad. Not to Arabs or Gays, but just to anyone who enjoys watching movies.

The Good: Val Kilmer and Ryan Phillippe are the only remotely fun parts of this movie. The reason for this is that their job is to point out how shitty MacGruber is. You relate to them because they feel your pain.

The Bad: Anything and everything that Will Forte does.

The Ugly: Will Forte's ass. I swear if I ever have to see his ass again I will vomit. His ass has more screen time than most of the minor characters. And guess what it never is? Funny.

Instead of wasting ten dollars to see this, I reccommend picking up Hot Shots and Hot Shots Part Duex out of a five dollar bin somewhere. Not only will watching those two films be more fun, the time will go by much, much faster.

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